Home » Dance Then Wherever you May Be – The Story of Lara’s birth

Dance Then Wherever you May Be – The Story of Lara’s birth

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This is the story of Lara’s birth

The story of a mother with enormous strength, a father who would not miss his daughter’s birth for anything and a baby girl, Lara, who was received with so much love and joy – even amidst the sadness of cancer.
Written by Aldi Fabricius
Translated by Jeanelde Mouton & Alda Smith
Photography by Alda Smith

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Dance Then Wherever you May Be

by Aldi Fabricius

“Dance, then, wherever you may be,
I am the Lord of the dance, said he,
And I’ll lead you all, wherever you may be,
And I’ll lead you all in the dance said he.” – Lord of the Dance, Laurika Rauch

Little did we know the trauma and heartbreak that was to follow when we received the amazing news of being pregnant in December 2014. My son was nearly 5 years of age and I had an ectopic pregnancy earlier that same year. The prospect of a new baby filled us with so much joy.
In February 2013, my husband (then 38), was diagnosed with esophagus and gastric cancer. After a few long and very strong chemo sessions our only option was an operation to remove the cancer. The operation was done in June 2013 and took close to 7 hours to complete. All cancer was successfully removed. The healing process was long and difficult, but in February 2015, after a CT scan, my husband was given a clean bill of health! However, in May 2015 he started having spasms and reflux in his esophagus and small intestine and tests were run to try and figure out what was causing the discomfort.Lara-birth-4
I was 34 weeks pregnant when my husband was admitted to hospital again. The spasms in his esophagus were so severe that it caused a tear that leaked onto his left lung. He was transferred from Mediclinic Louis Leipoldt to Mediclinic Panorama where his lung was treated. He could not consume any food and was fed through a feeding tube leaving him to loose 10 kg in 2 weeks. He was in ICU for 2 weeks. They eventually found cancer regrowth where his tummy used to be. The cancer had also spread to his pancreas.
I visited him every day. He touched my pregnant belly commenting that the doctors would have to hurry as in a few weeks our daughter would be here and then he had to be out of the hospital!
He had a very tight bond with our son Dyllan, who missed him very much, as kids are not allowed to visit patients in ICU.
He was transferred to the heart and lung unit where he developed a lymph leak which caused a further loss of 6 kg.
At 37 weeks I realised that we where running out of time, but my husband was determined to not miss our daughter, Lara’s, birth. I consulted with his doctors and together we decided that it was best to move the birth (via c-section), to Mediclinic Panorama where my husband was. The staff at Panorama was wonderful and assisted me in the process. The hospital arranged a separate room for myself and Emile in the maternity ward. The staff was fantastic and I will be forever thankful for their kindness and care.Lara-birth-5
On the day of Lara’s birth my husband joined me in the theater and Lara was born 4 August 2015. She weighed 3.8 kg and was the most beautiful baby girl we had ever seen. We where so thankful for this miracle as we had little hope of ever falling pregnant again after the strong chemo treatments. Mediclinic Panorama & Alda Smith from Love Alda Birth Photography & Mentoring collaborated on giving our family a beautiful newborn / family shoot in hospital shortly after Lara’s birth.

Lara was a “daddy’s girl” right from the start. Whenever she was fussy I just rested her in her daddies arms where she happily settled. Lara and I was discharged on the Monday with Emile, my husband, following 2 days later.
The doctors could not do anything for his lymph leak, which had to heal on its own and chemo was postponed because of his wounds.
The doctors sent him home to gain strength and weight. I had to regularly clean 3 wounds and feed him through his feeding tube every 3 hours. I also had to give him pain medication every 6 hours, keeping record of all of the procedures.
Lara was lactose intolerant with colic and silent reflux. Her stress levels, which was supposed to be zero, was 300. After taking her to the chiropractor things seemed to get better.
Every night between 00:00 and 02:00 I tried to rock Lara to sleep with her only falling asleep after 02:00 next to her daddy.
I am so thankful for my wonderful mother, who at that stage came to stay with us, to help out.Lara-birth-2
My husband had a lot of pain and took schedule 6 pain medication. Every night just before Lara’s feeding time my husband would swoop in with a milk bottle just as Lara started to cry for her feeding. He always had perfect timing. He was a dad like no other and he treated me like a queen. One night as Lara rested in his arm he apologised to her for not helping out as much as he wanted and for not being able to do everything that he so desired to do for her.
At Emile’s next check up things looked really good. He picked up 1.5 kg and felt like he was regaining some of his strength. We left in high spirits.Lara-birth-3
After 3 weeks at home he was in severe pain and was hospitalised once again. I could not drive at that stage and communicated through sms’s and telephone calls. I saw him the Wednesday and promised that the whole family would come for a long visit on Friday.
On Friday as we got to hospital my dad took Dyllan for a treat before coming to the room. As I walked into the room my husband was on the bed with an oxygen mask covering his face – eyes closed. I tried to wake him, but he did not respond. A nurse came into the room, eyes red from crying. They had been trying to get hold of me. My husband had passed away earlier that day.
At that moment I realised my dad and son were on their way, but I manage to stop them just before they entered the room. My dad had to tell my son as my heart was broken into a million pieces and I did not have the words.
Dyllan asked to see his dad and I let him say good bye. He sobbed for 10 minutes on his grandmother’s lap. He once told me that the hurt and loss he felt and feels, is locked inside a brick in his heart.
Five months have passed and we are still getting counseling.

The hurt is still very real and alive in our hearts, but his amazing memory lives on through my 2 beautiful children and the love that we shared.

“I danced on a Friday
When the sky turned black –
It’s hard to dance
With the devil on your back.
They buried my body
And they thought I’d gone,
But I am the dance,
And I still go on.” – Lord of the Dance, Laurika Rauch

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Alda is the mother of three beautiful children and one of Cape Town’s foremost and well-published birth photographers and mentors. Being a mom has had a profound influence on her work. Birth photography is a labour of love to her – a joyous celebration of this beautiful, fragile life we all share and she has attended and captured many, many births both natural and c-section.
She is the founder and chair of the South African Birth Photographers Association and has recently completed a course through UCT in Medicine & The Arts.
As birth professional and mother she enjoys nothing more to share and knowledge and experience with parents eager to be empowered with knowledge and information.
Among her many accomplishments she has recently partnered with Nikon to represent them in the birth photography market and has also started a birth professional mentoring initiative for birth photographers, midwives, doulas, OBG’s and more at www.aldasmith.com

You can visit Alda at Love Alda
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